Paper Boats

The evening train is running late tonight

I hold my groceries against the door

An old melody plays inside my head

And takes me back to when we were seventeen

I miss you and I cannot look for you

Rain is running down the dirty glass

Paper floating down the muddy curb

My heart beat fast behind my quiet chest

You never knew I held my breath for you

We walked along the fence until the gate

Your shoulder brushed against my wet sweater

And neither one of us said any word

I miss you and I cannot look for you

Streetlights glowing in the puddle water

Wind is blowing through the empty park

Hands that almost touched upon the rail

I hope you have a house that keeps you warm

I hope somebody loves you soft and kind

And still the aching sits behind my ribs

It never left, it only grew with time

I miss you and I cannot look for you

Night is coming down across the street

Paper sinking down into the dark

Quiet rain upon my umbrella

The train is coming now with heavy lights

I step inside and leave the storm behind

I carry you into the crowded car

And whisper nothing to the foggy glass

A red card lies upon my hallway table

A wedding invite from an old school friend

I hang my coat up on the wooden peg

And feel a heavy sleeve from long ago

I want to see you though I never will

Your wool coat heavy on my narrow frame

The chilly air against my burning cheeks

My pulse was racing at the corner shop

You lent it to me on an autumn night

The sleeves were rolled three times around my wrists

We walked in silence to the station gate

I kept the warmth inside it for a week

I want to see you though I never will

Dark blue fabric smelled of autumn leaves

Standing frozen on the gravel road

Hearing your footsteps right behind my back

I do not even know where you live now

I would not call if I had found your name

This secret grew much larger than before

A quiet blossom in the dark of years

I want to see you though I never will

Yellow streetlight on the wooden floor

Holding folded sleeves with careful hands

A sudden thrill that took my breath away

I put the mail away inside the drawer

The hallway clock is ticking very slow

I fold my arms against the night air

And hold your jacket in my mind again

The office elevator doors slide shut

My briefcase heavy in my right hand

The sun is low above the river bridge

And water gleams like bright copper foil

I miss you more than when we both were young

Two bicycles beside the river bank

The wind was blowing back your messy hair

My heart was hammering inside my throat

We pushed our bikes along the narrow path

The river light was blinding in our eyes

You almost reached to take my shaking hand

Then looked away into the golden grass

I miss you more than when we both were young

Shadows lengthening across the dust

Laughter fading in the summer breeze

Holding breath until the feeling passed

I hope you sleep well in a quiet home

I hope your mornings start with gentle light

It aches to know I cannot touch your face

And yet this longing keeps me soft inside

I miss you more than when we both were young

River flowing fast into the sea

Sunlight dying on the distant trees

Standing still upon the embankment

The city traffic starts to move again

I walk toward the station in the crowd

The river light is fading into grey

I carry you into the coming night

I clean the closet on a Sunday noon

An old coat hangs behind the summer dresses

I put my hand into the inner pocket

And touch a paper folded four times tight

I cannot reach you anywhere tonight

Unfolding paper with a trembling thumb

The pencil lines have faded into grey

My chest was tight with unspoken words

You passed it to me during third hour class

Under the desk while teacher turned around

I never wrote an answer back to you

I hid it in my locker until spring

I cannot reach you anywhere tonight

Faint grey pencil on the yellowed page

Hearing your shoes along the hallway tile

Blood rushing hot into my fingertips

I hope you found a partner soft and dear

Someone who holds you when the shadows fall

I never told a soul about this note

It hurts much deeper now than long ago

I cannot reach you anywhere tonight

Creases worn down by twenty years

Holding paper close against my chest

A sudden flutter like a startled bird

I fold the note and put it back in wool

The afternoon is slipping into dusk

I close the closet door without a sound

And hold the silence like a sacred thing

I push my cart along the bread aisle

Selecting milk and oranges for the week

A soft piano song plays overhead

And everything around me disappears

I miss you and the door is locked forever

Standing frozen by the wooden shelves

The radio humming from a distant room

My breath caught fast in my throat back then

You sang that tune while waiting at the stop

Hands in your pockets on a rainy afternoon

I watched your lips move in the cool grey air

And wished that time would stop and never move

I miss you and the door is locked forever

Fluorescent lights above the quiet floor

Cart wheels squeaking on the shiny tile

Remembering your shoulder close to mine

The loves that ended clean are put away

But what we never said just keeps on growing

I do not wish to change the life I have

I only wish to see your face once more

I miss you and the door is locked forever

Melody fading softly to the end

Holding a cold box in my heavy hands

A sudden rush of warmth inside my veins

I pay the cashier at the front counter

Walk out into the chilly parking lot

The song is over but your voice remains

I drive home slowly through the evening fog

The desk is cluttered with my monthly bills

I clear a space beside the desk lamp

I pull a sheet of paper from the stack

And write your name then cross it out again

I want to see you and I never can

Ink soaking dark into the heavy paper

A letter never meant to find a mailbox

My fingers trembling on the wooden edge

We sat together on the schoolyard steps

You looked at me but didn't say a word

The summer wind was pulling at your shirt

I turned my head before you saw my eyes

I want to see you and I never can

Curving letters fading on the page

Wind blowing through an open window pane

Remembering your shadow on the brick

I pray you walk in peace wherever you are

With someone kind who listens when you speak

And still this secret stays inside my heart

A quiet room where no one else can go

I want to see you and I never can

Tearing paper into small white squares

Dropping pieces in the wicker basket

Heart beating fast inside my quiet room

The desk lamp hums against the midnight dark

I lean my forehead on my resting arm

I whisper your name once into the room

And let the quiet take it softly back

The platform clock is showing nine o'clock

I slide my yellow ticket in my bag

The cold wind blows along the iron rails

And brings a memory I cannot hide

I miss you and there is no way back

Train headlights glowing through the dark

Metal screeching on the curved track

Holding my breath until the doors slide open

You stood beside me at this very bench

Your jacket brushing on my shoulder blade

We watched the night train carry people past

Both of us silent as the world went by

I miss you and there is no way back

Yellow ticket worn around the edges

Footsteps clicking on the concrete floor

Your hand an inch away from touching mine

The years have made this feeling sharp and clear

It did not fade like people said it would

I hope you have a warm hearth for the winter

And still I long to hear you call my name

I miss you and there is no way back

Reflections flashing in the window glass

Train moving fast into the endless night

A sudden flutter in my quiet chest

The train sways gently on the iron track

I rest my temple on the cool window

I watch the city lights drift out of sight

And hold your shadow close until I sleep

I see a yellow bike against a fence

Outside the bakery where I buy my bread

The silver handlebars are bright in sun

And suddenly I am sixteen again

I miss you and I cannot find your trail

Spokes flashing bright along the gravel path

Summer wind filling up my cotton shirt

My racing heart when you rode close to me

You rode ahead and turned to look at me

Your smile was shy against the midday sun

We stopped beneath the big green maple tree

And watched the dust settle on our shoes

I miss you and I cannot find your trail

Rust on the chain and yellow paint chipped off

Dry leaves falling on the empty sidewalk

Waiting for you to say what never came

I hope your days are full of gentle light

I hope you laugh with people you love well

I locked the door and threw away the key

Yet every year I miss you more than last

I miss you and I cannot find your trail

Bakery bell ringing at the open door

Warm bread heavy in a paper bag

Remembering the flutter in my chest

I walk away along the sunlit street

The smell of baking bread is in the air

I smile a little at the yellow bike

And carry your young face inside my heart

The screen is glowing on my office desk

I type a name into the search bar slow

Eight letters that I haven't said out loud

And pause before my finger hits the key

I miss you and I press delete again

Cursor blinking on the empty box

City glowing through the high window

Heart knocking hard against my heavy ribs

I remember how you wrote it on my book

In neat blue ink across the inside page

You handed back the notebook with a smile

And turned away before I looked at you

I miss you and I press delete again

Blue light shining on my quiet hands

Office quiet in the late night hour

Your footsteps coming down the silent hall

I would not call you even if I could

I do not want to break the life you built

This love was never finished, so it lives

Stronger today than twenty summers back

I miss you and I press delete again

Screen going dark beneath my resting hand

Rain starting softly on the double glass

A thrill of memory that takes my breath

I lock the office door and turn the light

The hallway echo follows as I walk

I leave your name unsearched into the night

And keep the secret safely in my chest

I buy a coffee at the corner stand

And take a seat upon the wooden bench

Steam rises slowly in the chilly air

Beside an empty space upon the slats

I want to see you though the door is closed

Paper cups hot against cold fingertips

Fallen leaves swirling on the stone pavement

My pulse jumping fast when you sat down

You brought me tea on that cold winter morning

We sat right here and watched the fog roll in

Your fingers touched the paper rim like mine

And neither spoke a word about the chill

I want to see you though the door is closed

Steam rising white against the grey sky

Park bench empty in the autumn park

Holding my breath to hear you softly sigh

I wish you peace inside your quiet home

A gentle evening with the ones you love

I carry this aching like a hidden song

It grows more sweet and heavy every year

I want to see you though the door is closed

Wind brushing cold across my winter scarf

Paper cup warming both my resting hands

A sudden rush of memory so clear

I throw the cup into the green iron bin

And pull my gloves on as I start to walk

The park is quiet in the fading light

I hold your ghost beside me down the track

I take the long way home after my shift

Past old stone houses with their lit front doors

The street is quiet under amber lamps

And leaves are rustling under my black shoes

I miss you and I cannot cross the bridge

Amber lights shining on the wet pavement

Shadows stretched long across the wooden gate

My heart fluttering like a bird in hand

We walked this long way home on summer nights

To make the thirty minutes stretch to two

You walked close to the curb to keep me safe

And I wished that the street would never end

I miss you and I cannot cross the bridge

Quiet houses standing in the evening mist

Night air cool against my tired face

Remembering your hand so near to mine

I hope you have a warm life, gentle friend

Someone who holds you when the night is long

The unfinished love is the one that stays

It never dies, it only gets more deep

I miss you and I cannot cross the bridge

Moonlight catching on the river stream

Footsteps slow upon the stone asphalt

A sudden ache that catches in my chest

I reach my porch and turn the heavy key

The hallway lamp is warm inside my house

I look back once into the dark street

And keep your shadow with me through the door

I wear a knitted scarf of navy blue

To catch the bus at five past six o'clock

The streetlamp flickers on above the stop

And turns the falling snow to silver dust

I miss you and I have nowhere to go

Snow flakes melting on my wool collar

Bus lights coming through the white evening

My breath held tight behind my quiet lips

You wrapped your navy scarf around my neck

When wind came howling off the high school roof

Your fingers brushed against my cold chin

And my heart leaped up into my throat

I miss you and I have nowhere to go

Silver snow falling on the empty street

Warm wool tucked against my cold throat

Hearing your laughter in the winter air

I hope you have a hearth to warm your hands

A home where kindness meets you at the door

I closed the gate and locked it long ago

Yet missing you is stronger than before

I miss you and I have nowhere to go

Bus doors opening with a hiss of air

Stepping up into the crowded warmth

Remembering the thrill of your young touch

The bus moves slowly through the winter town

I wipe the window with my gloved hand

I watch the snowflakes fall into the dark

And wrap the memory around my heart

I stand beside the iron river gate

While waiting for my takeaway order

The water ripples softly in the dark

Reflecting city lights in yellow lines

I want to see you though I never can

Iron gate cold against my resting palm

Distant boat horn blowing down the stream

My heart beating wild inside my throat

We stood right here before the summer ended

Leaning on iron as the sun went down

You looked as if you had a thing to say

Then swallowed hard and pointed at a bird

I want to see you though I never can

Yellow ripples dancing on dark water

Cool wind blowing off the river bed

Remembering how close your shoulder came

I pray your life is peaceful, soft and sweet

A gentle home with love in every room

And still this unspoken love remains

A deeper ache than any love I knew

I want to see you though I never can

Distant bell chiming from the church tower

Taking my paper bag of warm food

A sudden flutter making me stand still

I walk away into the busy evening

The street is lively with the supper crowds

I hold my warm bag close against my coat

And carry your silence all the way home

I walk up four flights to my quiet flat

My heels click softly on the marble steps

An echo bounces from the high ceiling

And fills the stairwell with a familiar sound

I miss you and the door is closed forever

Marble steps cool in the evening shade

Handrail smooth beneath my tired hand

Heart hammering fast at every stair

I used to listen for your steps in school

Three flights up to the library floor

I knew your rhythm from a mile away

And stopped my breath until you passed my door

I miss you and the door is closed forever

Echo fading in the high stairwell

Key turning quiet in the metal lock

Remembering the flutter in my chest

I do not know your life or where you dwell

I wish you joy and comfort every day

This love we never spoke grew big and deep

It fills the dark corners of my age

I miss you and the door is closed forever

Quiet flat waiting in the twilight glow

Setting my bag down on the wooden floor

A sudden ache that makes me close my eyes

I turn the kitchen light on with a snap

Fill up the kettle at the quiet sink

Listen to water boiling on the stove

And keep your footsteps pounding in my mind

I sit beside my window with some tea

The evening news is playing on low sound

I watch the rain make rivers on the glass

And remember a paper boat we made

I miss you and I cannot reach your shore

Raindrops running down the window pane

City lights blurring into soft yellow

My heart racing fast when you held my hand

We folded paper by the small stream bank

And watched it float into the open drain

You said some boats travel to the sea

And looked at me with eyes so full and bright

I miss you and I cannot reach your shore

Paper boat drifting down the rainy curb

Quiet room filled with the scent of tea

Holding my breath beside the river bank

I hope you have a warm and gentle life

Someone who loves you under every sky

The love that never started never ends

It stays inside me, stronger every year

I miss you and I cannot reach your shore

Night coming down upon the busy town

Warm mug heavy in my quiet hands

A sudden flutter that I carry still

I sip my tea and turn the tv off

The house is silent in the dark of night

I lay my head down on the soft pillow

And fold your memory close into my sleep